Monday, March 1, 2010

nostalgia isn't what it used to be

Recently, I've noticed the pop-culture scene is revolving around what once was. I am known by many as an incredibly nostalgic person - so much so, that I'm often teased for it. All I want out of life is to grow up and build a my kids a tree house and watch 80s era Sesame Street episodes on VHS. I love drinking diet coke from glass bottles. I wish Macintosh still used the rainbow striped apple emblem. More than half of the buttons on my car radio are programmed to oldies or classic rock stations. I believe that, as a true and deserved accolade, any group that uses an auto-tuner should cover at least one Cher song. All it takes is one well fabricated montage to transform me into a babbling mess.
That being said, there are times when celebrity induced nostalgia has failed. It has failed us all. This first came to my realization at the onset of Eddie Murphy's fetish with remaking classic films. I don't know what gave this goofy sketch actor (regardless of how talented he is outside of these atrocities) the idea that he could take on such iconic roles played by people as great as Rex Harrison and Jerry Lewis. Not to mention casting himself as twenty different characters in each cinematic snafu. I won't even start on my stance against Janet Jackson ever opening her mouth to do anything but whisper horribly written song lyrics.
Next on the list of things ruined by our need to capture the past inside a mason jar and kill it slowly is the explosion of superfluous sequels. First to the stand is The Land Before Time. We all know how Little Foot made our hearts flutter looking for the Great Valley and collecting tree stars. However, it has been ruined, and we all know it. There is a time to quit and that time was... right after the first one (1988). Now, as much as we all adore hearing "why did it have to be snakes?" grumbled by the sexy salt-n-peppered Harrison Ford, it's a fact that the latest Indian Jones was most likely a mistake. Although, I am guilty of drooling all over myself just watching Shia Lebouf in all his Jewish glory. Also, there are too many Saw movies. There's nothing more to say about that one. The amount of American Pie related movies we've had to endure post wedding is just nauseating. Oh and Bring it On. OH and The Cutting Edge.
Then there is the ever famous "comeback" that pop artists think they can make. Britney Spears, New Kids on the Block, Whitney (sorry Andrea), CREED?!?!? Those are all things that make me go "NO NO."
Even the mid-20th century author with liberal intentions, Jack Kerouac has created a flock of faux beatniks. These are the people who think they are more at one with the Earth because they smoke everything that grows from it. They're the ones that buy berets from thrift stores and actually aspire to sleep on friends' couches for the rest of their lives. This is OK because they are connecting with a past generation. Except, guess what, it's not OK. In fact, these are probably the most annoying people I have to interact with.
Rant over.

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